10 Jokes Per Minute #2

A few weeks ago, I shared with all of you 10 jokes that can make you laugh (or angry) in approximately one minute. And since quite a few of you responded “pretty well” to it, here I am with the second edition of 10 Jokes Per Minute! lol


1) What do you call security guards at a Samsung store? Guardians of the Galaxy.

2) My friend asked me if I liked her new glasses. I told her “it’s quite a spectacle!”

3) The police came to my door to tell me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. “No they aren’t,” I said. “My dogs don’t even have bikes.”

4) Why do the riot police like to get to work early? To beat the crowd.

5) How do self-absorbed people screw in a light bulb? By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them.

6) I wanted to tell you a joke about the iPhone’s headphone jack. But they told me to remove it.

7) What do you call dogs underwater? Sub woofers.

8) I don’t trust people who use graph paper. They’re always plotting something.

9) I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.

10) Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me. It means a lot.


And thanks for reading this too. It means a lot… I think! Haha! 😂

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10 Jokes Per Minute

It’s a Friday night and I’m on a long bus ride home. What do I do? Share some jokes I found on the Internet with all of you of course! Random much? Well, wait till you hear these following jokes. 😂


1) Why do spies never use capital letters? Because they like to stay low-key.

2) 19 and 20 got into a fight. 21. 

3) If I cuold time travel, I would fix my spelling.

4) I went for a job interview today and the manager said he was looking for someone who is responsible. I told them that I was the perfect choice because in my last job, whenever anything went wrong, everyone would say that I’m responsible.

5) My friend asked me to describe myself in three words. I said “lazy”.

6) What did the Indian boy say to his mother before he left for school? “Mumbai!”

7) If right now I’ll get 50 cents for every Mathematics exam I’ve failed, I’ll have $6.30!

8) I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet; but only for like 20 seconds.

9) What’s heavier, a kilogram of bricks or a kilogram of feathers? A kilogram of feathers – because now you would also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

10) People used to laugh at me when I told them that I wanted to become a comedian. Well, nobody is laughing now.


Alright, that’s enough for tonight. Hopefully the 10 jokes above have made your minute(s) reading them a little more joyful? Haha, have a good night and I’ll see you in the next post. 😄

Puns

Hi everyone, Happy Friday!
Now if you know me, you would know that I love jokes, especially those filled with puns. So today, I’ve put together 50 of my favorite puns from the Internet (some of which I came up with). Hope you enjoy them! LOL.

1) I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

2) If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

3) To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing!

4) How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

5) Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my WORD.

6) My friend had an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tears.

7) What do you do when chemists die? You Barium.

8) How do you kill a vegetarian vampire? With a steak to the heart, that’s how.

9) What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

10) Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

11) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

12) I wondered why I couldn’t fall asleep all night. Then it dawned on me.

13) I was trying to understand lightning. Then it struck me.

14) How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

15) Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

16) What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, I don’t care.

17) How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

18) A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that’s the last thing I need.

19) What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

20) Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Oh it’s ok, he’s awake now.

21) I only know 25 letters of the alphabet; I don’t know why.

22) My math teacher told me that I was average. How mean.

23) What did Adam say to his wife before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”

24) A survey was done among interns who quit their job. What was their most common reason for departure? INTERNal conflicts.

25) I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

26) Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

27) That very same guy owned a bakery that burned down last night. Now, his business is toast.

28) As if those weren’t bad enough, he drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

29) You know why you shouldn’t trust stairs? They’re ALWAYS up to something.

30) The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

31) What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

32) What did the seawater say when it reached the shore? Nothing, it just gave a little wave.

33) The experienced carpenter nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

34) Did you hear about the butter joke? Everyone’s spreading it.

35) Did you hear about the new broom? It’s sweeping the nation.

36) Did you hear about the hurricane? It’s taking the nation by storm.

37) If you ever find yourself freezing in an air-conditioned room, go to a corner. It’s 90 degrees.

38) Never trust people who do acupuncture; they’re backstabbers.

39) Never ever stand under a tree; they’re all really… SHADY.

40) Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

41) The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

42) I came home to my delight that every lamp in my house has been stolen.

43) There could only be one reason why Ed is single – she ran.

44) When my sister Ruth annoyed me, I chased her out of the house. I’m ruthless.

45) I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.

46) A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.

47) What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

48) Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

49) Did you know about the fire that broke out in the circus? It was in tents!

50) Why did Adele cross the road? To say “Hello” from the other side.

Hahaha alright, that’s enough puns for a day. Have an awesome weekend everyone! 😆

Cover photo by: arseniic

Star Wars Twitter Parodies

Warning: Potential spoilers for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens lie ahead.

Hi again everyone! I came across these Twitter accounts just a few days back and thought they were too hilarious not to share with all of you. Basically, these are parody accounts created for a few well-known characters from Star Wars, that sort of depict in a comedic way what they might tweet about if they ever had access to social media. If you have yet to watch any of the Star Wars films, and especially the latest Episode VII, turn back now because one – you will be spoiled, and two – you won’t get the jokes. So without further ado, let me first introduce to you the Very Lonely Luke.

Oh poor Luke. Please visit his Twitter page and send him your love.

very-lonely-luke
That header photo could NOT be more appropriate.

 

Next up, meet Emo Kylo Ren.


 

Haha, last but not least – Bad Father Han Solo!


 

😆 Alright, that’s all for today! Hope you had a great laugh scrolling through these compilation of the funniest tweets I’ve seen this week. See you in the next post!